Division of the Damned

Opening Day! Or perhaps it’s more like “opening day,” as there’s just one game scheduled, the Rangers against Houston.

I was disappointed when I heard that the Houston Astros were moving to the American League. For some reason, and I don’t really know what that reason is, I have never ever liked the Houston Astros. Why couldn’t it have been the Milwaukee Brewers moving back to the AstrosJunior Circuit? Or the Cubs? But no. I imagine, in the discussions over the move, the National League owners all saying, “Let’s give them Houston. Give them the Astros.”

And then I thought, well, at least it’s not the San Diego Padres. Which seems to indicate that I like them even less than the Astros. Ghost then mentioned the Arizona Diamondbacks, and I thought, yes, just as bad. Or either of those Florida clubs. Which made me think that they could stick all my least favorite teams in one division and then I could perhaps pretend they didn’t exist.

So this is the Lost Division. I’ll be following their progress this year? Seriously?

Houston Astros
San Diego Padres
Arizona Diamondbacks
Florida Team 2
Florida Team 1
Colorado Rockies

Good luck you guys.

My aversion to the Astros probably lies in partly in the fact that I don’t like their name. If they were called, say, the Houston New York Giants, that would be better. Or the Houston Generic Ball Club Incorporated. Originally they were called colts-smoking-gun-logo-x-largethe Houston Colt 45s, which was also a bad name, but they changed their name to something even worse, the Astros, when they moved into their new ballpark, the Astrodome. The name basically is supposed to evoke the role Houston plays in the U.S. space program. But it kind of seems like the team was named after the stadium. Originally the Astrodome had a glass roof, which would let them grow a grass field inside, but they quickly found out that it was impossible to see a fly ball against the glare from the windows, so I think they painted over some of the ceiling windows, and then the grass died, and so they put the “AstroTurf,” on the Astroground. (However, for most of the 1965 season the Astros played on green-painted dirt and dead grass. Nice.)

Perhaps this change in leagues is an opportunity for Houston to change their name again? As they play in Minute Maid Park, they will probably not want to make the same mistake, naming themselves after their ballpark. (Minute Maid Park was also called Enron Field for a while. The Houston Enrons?)

Houston Colts would be better. Drop the “45.” The Houston Ten Gallon Hats? The Houston Marshal?  The Houston Posse? The Houston Gunslingers? The Houston Desperadoes? The Houston Oilmen? The Houston Paladins?

Well, I’ll keep working on it. So far I like the Houston New York Giants the best.


2 thoughts on “Division of the Damned

  1. Didn’t realize about the Astros moving to the American league. It is nice and symmetric to have 5 teams in each division. I tend to ignore the National league teams, in general, although if I had to pick a favorite, it would be the Cubs. If the Astros would change their mascot (etc.) to Astro from the Jetsons, they would be my favorite.

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